I Am Late to the 'War On Christmas'
Hey, what's going on here? Why didn't some of my fellow evil atheist, secular, progressive heathen friends let me know we were having a 'War on Christmas'? I always am the last to find out. Here I have been enjoying the Christmas lights on neighbors homes, shopping for a present for my wife, planning a trip to visit my Christian family for the holidays .... only to find out that there is a freaking war that we are waging! Now what am I supposed to do?
Well, now that I know, perhaps someone can tell me what our strategy is. It seems that we have ultra-conservative corporations such as Walmart on our side, which is very surprising to me, as well as the US Postal service - a shock! I had no idea that these guys were evil atheists also. I am also a bit surprised that we (atheists, secularists) started a 'war'. I thought it was the Christians and conservatives that loved 'wars' so much (war on drugs, war on terror etc).
I have been a bit busy so it would help if some of you could post our secret secular atheist plans in the comments. I have to call my family to let them know I won't be visiting, have to take my wife's present back to the store and have to start breaking all my neighbors wonderful outdoor light displays. The work of an evil secular progressive is never done.
Tagged as:
war on christmas,war on,atheist,secular,walmart,humor
10 Comments:
Haven't you heard, Intel says that Christmas has WMDs. No matter what the UN says we are going in.
Glad you're finally onboard Alan. Last night I was out on a solo mission to attack a nativity scene. To make it extra mean, I decided to rape the donkey. Very painful, for me I mean, but it's a war! I could use some backup when I return tonight.
LOL! Glad you finally made it to the front lines!
Actually, I have been harping on it for a while. Check out my recent article on why "Christmas is OUR holiday" :
http://goosetheantithesis.blogspot.com/2005/12/christmas-is-our-holiday.html
Damnit Alan, I missed you on my second raid last night. I accidentally cut myself while I was raping two of the wise men. Anyhow I ended up getting blood all over baby jesus. Walking by the church this morning I heard one christian tell another that "she loved the bloody jesus, what a great message". I'm done with this raping of plastic figures though, it's hell on the little guy.
I am getting with the program now. Just buried a caroler in the backyard.
Ahh yes. A toasty little War on Christmans!
Carroler's nuts Roastin'
on an open fire
Jeebus rottin' in his grave
Though it's been said
Many times many ways
War on Christmas
With you!
And a Squishy New Year y'all!
(now to go Xmas shopping. I think I'll buy my car a nice new oil change, sans bow and ribbons of course.)
LOL @ Just buried a caroler in the backyard
RE MichaelBains:
I love poetry!
ya know, i am getting sick of the damned world imposing upon me its nordic-roman traditions. what the crap, i have decided that thursday is X-day and wedensday as W-day and Saturday as turd-day. that'll fix em'
still lovin the bumperstickers.
Seth
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